When Yeshua came into my life, cancer of the fourth stage left me!
I went silently. My muscles were strained. Face was like a mask, a posthumous mask. I walked somewhere but I did not care. Life boiled up around, cars made engine noises, a young mother hastily pushed a stroller tenderly smiling to her baby, couple guys, probably students were talking loudly and laughing in their youth, another old man was calmly and melancholically walking with his dog. It is life and it got behind me. Thirty minutes ago I was sentenced. They kept it short, “Cancer, stage four”.
That was it.
Everything stopped. I could see regret in doctor’s eyes. He said, “We can do nothing about it. Chemotherapy? A general diagnosis shows diabetes, valvular disease of the heart, asthma. Moreover, you are 73 years old, sorry for reminding. Metastases already spread. ” So, doctors sent me home. Soon my body will stop its existence. On the way home, Nadya, my daughter in law, was telling me about God. Life was pouring through her like a stream. But I was frightened, lonely and cold…
Death. God? I would go to a small gold dome church, put a candle and whisper, “Forgive me, I know that I’m sinful…”, that was it. It was my God and my faith. Suddenly I woke up, as if somebody pushed my shoulder. Yesterday I fell asleep right at the table. There was a bottle of vodka I started yesterday. I drink hoping to forget everything. No use. My head is full of thoughts, death, death, death… it seemed like death itself gave me to drink. There is a road, we go to Kiev again. I have a second chemotherapy. I decided to fight. Nadya keeps telling me about God.
She was speaking about Him with such love. Something moved in my heart, and it opened for hope. Hope was my last straw. Night. I walked along the corridor. I went out to the park near the hospital. Silence. Cool night air. I sat on a bench, put my hands and started talking to Him. It is easy to guess what I was asking Him. I asked for miracle, for healing, but if it is time to die, I wanted to die fast and without pain not to be a burden for my family. Thus every night I went outside to talk to God. After my son Sasha came from voyage, because he is a sailor, he started taking me to services at Kiev congregation.
For a long time I was very stubborn, “What is going on here? Everybody is running, yelling, dancing, jumping. Probably it is a sect! No way!!! We are orthodox people!” But my son with his wife does not let me go, every Saturday their car brings me to their Shabbat services. Once, at one of the services Holy Spirit started healing cancer diseases. Rabbi said so. I did not have much faith, but I came to Rabbi to pray. His warm hand touched my head. I do not exactly remember his words but after I heard “will you deny God if He does not heal you?”, I firmly said “No”.
A car was hopping along a rural bumpy road. Sasha drove me home and my daughter in law kept talking about her love and trust to God. Suddenly the scenery got blurry and streams of the salty tears gushed out of my eyes. This familiar feeling of hope, faith and love was born in me again. That day at Shabbat service I really accepted God of Israel as my personal God, and Yeshua as my Lord and Savior. I know that He came into my life by His great mercy, not by my efforts. Now, I did not ask for healing from cancer, I just wanted the stream of His love keep flowing and flowing through my life. I was waiting with anticipation for every Saturday.
Dancing and a joyful worship started to be very pleasant for me. Anxiety, uneasy thoughts, fear and anger left my life. I talked to Him about life and death even more often than I talked to myself. I was talking with Him about Him. These conversations were very fascinating. You stop noticing time and pain. God draws you and leads you. Thus, drawing me close to Him and leading me, He protected my life from evil. Rabbi asked us at Shabbat service, “Check please, those who had tumors, do you still have them? ”. My son smiled. The time of my miracle has come. My God! Here is it? Where is that lump I had in my chest? Where is that stone willing to crash my life? What a miracle! Miracle! I am healed!
Praise God for He is good and His mercy endures forever!
P.S. Doctors diagnosed me again and stated that tumor decreased 85 per cent. Three months later they proved my complete healing. Now I am healthy! It is so wonderful! But the most important thing is that walking through the valley of death I opened springs of water, springs of God’s love, springs of my Savior.